I'm so sorry your friend is not able to be there for you when you need it; it really must feel like a betrayal after all the help you gave her in her time of need.

Just a little different perspective, though, told in a very long way...

Many years ago, we went through a period of dire financial and emotional need that lasted for a couple of years. I was the one holding everything together in our family, and it became an all-consuming daily struggle. There were so many wonderful friends and family who offered to help, lend an ear, etc. in any way possible. I took them up on their offer when I needed it, and was always extremely grateful.

When things started to look up, I was so relieved, yet so emotionally drained from the 2+ struggle that was my life, that I had no time or energy left for anyone else. Even though I appeared fine on the outside, I just wanted to be left alone, and spend some time not worrying about anyone or anything else. I honestly can't tell you if any of the people who were so kind to me came to me for help during the year or so following our "dark years" because I was still recovering from the ravages of the previous two years. To listen to anyone elses problems, regardless of whether or not I should, or could, or wanted to, was not something I was emotionally able to handle.

Now that I've spent some time getting my life in order, I feel that I have so much more to give to others. It just took me a long time to get there.

I don't know the details of your friend's situation, but if she really was a good friend, maybe all she needs is time. For everyone, this is different. Some people are able to pick up & move on from difficult times, for others it might take years. You just have to decide if the friendship is important enough to you to invest that amount of time. If not, just be content with being a pleasant accquaintance, saying hello at church/community events and getting together for coffee once a year. If you sit around waiting for others to do what you want or expect them to do, you will always be dissapointed. Chances are, she doesn't even know she slighted you.

When things started to look up, I was so relieved, yet so emotionally drained from the 2+ struggle that was my life, that I had no time or energy left for anyone else. Even though I appeared fine on the outside, I just wanted to be left alone, and spend some time not worrying about anyone or anything else. I honestly can't tell you if any of the people who were so kind to me came to me for help during the year or so following our "dark years" because I was still recovering from the ravages of the previous two years. To listen to anyone elses problems, regardless of whether or not I should, or could, or wanted to, was not something I was emotionally able to handle.
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Wow, there is a lot of wisdom in this!!! I can testify to the truth of it, too. I experienced something similar. Sometimes the body/mind need to heal and it isn't as visually obvious as a broken bone. But it's real nonetheless.

Thanks for sharing the insights, dtrpath.




Mommy4Jesus

Thank You Mommy 4 Jesus. Thank you.

I am glad I posted this original question. All of these replies have really put things into perspective for me....I needed it!!

Thank you, everyone, for giving your input. My heart is more at peace than it's been in a long time.

Hi,

I have a sister in law that is that way. She is only nice when she wants something. I am to a point that I don;t have any friends because they never call or stop by ect. I call them, drop them an email ect. I seems like i am only all the time. It would be nice to have friends that were there and just called to say hi. When I lost my son there was no one around to help us through the pain. My mom was there to help with the funeral but that was it. She has not talked to me about it. It has been 6 years.

We were going to a church and thought we had friends, but now that we are not going they are no where to be found. It seems like people are to busy for friends or family. It is to bad.

There are times it bothers me that I am alone. But I was raised that way. I was an only child. Did not have many friends.

But I hope that everything works out with your friend.
Have a great week,
Sandy

Sandib - thank you for sharing your situation.

{{{hugs to you too}}}