In a wonderful sermon I heard once, the pastor shared that God puts friends into our lives for 1) a reason 2) a season or 3) a lifetime.

If it's just a reason, then when that reason is over, we will notice the friendship little by little ends, too.

Sometimes it is a season in our lives, a time period --maybe a season of having many young children and a friend at church does, too; then, the children grow older, and that friend moves, and somehow, phone calls and email never take the place and the friendship dwindles.

And then of course we have those few friends that we have throughout our whole lives.

But what encouraged me too was thinking that, after all, having every single friend at the same level of depth for my entire life would actually, probably, be too much. ;-)

That particular sermon really ministered to me and I've never forgotten it (that was maybe, 14 or so years ago). :-)

I also "second" martinbeef's comments.

Friendships are one of those really visual things that show us so plainly and clearly that life is impermanent and unfixed and changeable. We (humans) generally balk at that concept, made for eternity as we are. :-) But that pastor's sermon eased the rough edges, so to speak, of the friendships I had that had dwindled.



Mommy4Jesus

A reason, a season, or a lifetime - when put that way, it is so much easier to accept.

Thank you, ladies, I do wish we could chat over coffee, face to face ;)

Well, I've noticed that some people get hurt so badly that they decide to think "I don't care anymore." They feel like the hurt and rejection was so painful that they don't want to "invest" into most (or all) people, because of the hurt they may feel. I've actually heard someone tell me that before! This doesn't have to be how she is feeling. I don't think you are being selfish. If you considered her "a friend" and she used to be there for you at certain times and she's showing no signs of caring, it would make you wonder what is going on. My personal thought is that if a friend is supposed to be a true friend, they should make time for you. If you feel she isn't making any time for you (knowing she isn't battling something horrible or having a major crisis you don't know about) I would keep your distance. You can't constantly invest your time into unappreciative people. I think being there for a friend is great, but if they think anything of your friendship, they should be there for you also. That's just my opinion.

I'm sorry you are having this happen. I think friends are there for each other mutually. If your friend has not been there for you in hard times like you have for her, I'd have to agree with Martinbeef.

FWIW I lost a lot of real life friends when my dd was recovering from her tp surgery. It was like folks could not understand how our lives have changed and where we needed to be emotionally. Despite my explaining to them. Sometimes I think hard times really test who is really there for you for the long haul.

Hugs Melissa

""Sometimes I think hard times really test who is really there for you for the long haul.""

I so agree with Melissa...

This is a major problem in my church in general. They want you to be there for them but God forbid they may have to be there for you. I don't expect friendship anymore. I am an island unto myself as far as friendship in the church goes. I would find another church but dh says the word is being preached there and doesn't want to find another church. So I just don't go. I have gotten more compassion from the world than from the church. It is a sad day when that is how it is.

Ninjamom,

You'd mentioned
They want you to be there for them but God forbid they may have to be there for you.
________

I'm so sorrry about that. I felt for you when you said that your husband said that nevertheless the word is being preached there. I would submit that though *parts* of it are being preached, obviously not all are; and secondly, though being preached, it's not being *lived.* :( I empathize because there was a point in time when we were attending in a very similar scenario. The word and truth were being expounded, yet the graciousness, brotherly love, kindness, compassion were missing. Of course that's just what Jesus told the Pharisees they were doing. What I ended up doing was massive prayer regarding this, and you know, my husband was the one who moved us out of that church!! :o) I'll pray for you all that you can move on to a place that preaches and lives the Word and experience the agape love and family spirit of a body of believers joined together to fellowship and worship together. (((Hugs)))




Mommy4Jesus

Seasons. I like that.
It makes sense to me put that way too.
Friendships come and go sometimes, but
think of the GOOD times and blessings you
had during that "season" of time when
this friendship was active. Count your blessings
and I think you will feel better in time.
God is good and will give you the friendships
HE desires for you. Praying
the hurts turns to hope for you,

Michelle32