Angie, let us help you, too! We are offering. I'm sure you would be one of the first ones in line if it was someone else needing the help, so let us reciprocate. You can help someone in need later. I know how hard it is to receive, as the ladies here have been sooo generous. But, that is why we are here - to help each other. Each one needs different kinds of support at different points in time. There is NOTHING wrong w/ that!!! If you still can't take it yourself, then take it for your dc!!! They need it as much as you. They need to know that others care and are willing to step up regardless of what is happening at home. What better way to show them God's faithfulness and influence in their lives!

Please, we love and care about you. So, let us help.

(((hugs))) and prayers
K

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This post was edited on Nov 20, 2009 08:38 AM

Angie thank for updating. I am glad you got an attorney.
As for child support. That is not a punishment but a must because he must help take care of the children. Even spousal support is not a punishment. It sounds like you are trying to take a high road, but do not put yourself in a bad place financially because of that. You do not have to rake him over the coals, but get a fair amount based on his income.

Keep us posted.

~Melissa~

When my ex decided he wanted out, the state told him how much he was going to pay for child support. Neither of us had a choice. They took the last year's tax return, plugged numbers from it into a form, and at the bottom they told him he would pay "X" amount a month. Because he works per-job, not per-hour, they allowed us to negotiate regarding more money in the summer, less in the winter because of his work load. But the annual amount was set, regardless.

At the beginning I felt the same way you do...it *was* kind of mean. After all, I didn't have to go to work...he could just cut me checks every 2 weeks and I could adjust my spending and the kids and I would be fine...it seemed so unfair to him, considering that I was *SO* much happier after he left! LOL!

Now, maybe 3 months later, I realize that taking care of these kids IS his responsibility. HE was the one who decided to leave them without a father in their home. HE was the one who decided to dump ten thousand dollars into some hot rod camaro that he just *HAD* to have. HE was the one who decided to buy his girlfriend's son a truck. By golly, if your ex can buy his girlfriend a purse, he can sure as heck buy your children some electricity, hot water, clothes, curriculum, toys, etc. Child support is for the CHILDREN, not you. (So go for spousal support, too! :-) Your children are HIS children, too, I assume. Just because he has decided to pursue other interests does not get him off the hook of taking care of them financially.

The child support is a concern...but the CUSTODY is what is the most important. DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO HAVE ANY LEGAL OR PHYSICAL CUSTODY.

This is what I regret the most about my divorce: I should have insisted on full legal custody, full physical custody, and when he whimpered about not wanting the children to think he left them, I should have told him that well, maybe you shouldn't have. Instead, I caved, and now he has 50% say in their school, medical decisions, and religious upbringing. None of which did he have any interest in BEFORE he found his girlfriend. Why I thought it would be a good thing to have him involved AFTER the fact is beyond me. Now he can use it to try to control the situation.

Regardless, I am rambling. MAKE SURE YOU GET FULL LEGAL CUSTODY. SHOOT FOR FULL PHYSICAL CUSTODY as well. Supervised visitation with their father would probably help the kids to make a better transition to what he obviously wants: not to have them or you in his life.

My prayers are with you and your children.

I agree that you need to secure financial support for your kids.

Though the courts awarded child support to my mom from my dad, my mom didn't pursue legal action when my dad never paid. She "didn't want to continue fighting with him". She regrets it even today, more than 20 years later. It was hard. She had to work so many hours to support us. We were alone a lot. She probably would still have worked if he had paid but probably would have had more choices in what job and how many hours. Even if you found that you didn't need it for groceries, then pocket it for your kids schooling now or for college. It might not be there later when you need it.

You need to get your "mama bear" on and protect those babies. =)

Angie, sending prayers and higs your way. I agree with everything MartinBeef said. And you don't have to ask for child support, the law will require him to do so. I am not sure where you live, but here you get child support no matter what. Even if the guy doesn't pay. The system pays you, and then the system "goes" after the father. And the state can make it VERY difficult for him to do much of anything before that support gets paid back.

So let him spend his money on those $150.00 purses. But when it comes time to start shelling out the money to support his children, his little sidekick may get very tired of him not having any money. to BUY those $150.00 purses any longer.

God will take care of him in His way. And He will take care of you in a different way.

Keep the Faith.

WW, that's awesome that your state (and probably others) have figured out how to help the moms not receiving support. Back when I was little it seems like everything made it so easy for someone to walk away from their responsibilities. Good to know that at least in that area they have done something.

Still so heartbreaking though and I am praying for strength, guidance and comfort during this whole thing for you and your kids Angie.