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buying her a purse, no money for the kids, boxed foods. I'm fuming! It's too bad you have to take the food. Wouldn't it be nice if you could just say "no thank you" to his food offers? Someday you will. I've never been through this, so all I can say is you WILL have strength. Focus on HIM and HE will carry you through this storm. I pray that the Lord gives you strength like you've never had before. God Bless.
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angie, LISTEN TO ME, OKAY?
yes, do keep praying for him. He's pretty messed up right now and it's not your fault. He's running from something and sometime, later, you'll find out what it is...but for now, just keep the faith and know that GOD IS IN CONTROL and sees all things.
regarding money: right now, you are being victimized. you have to sit there and passively "wait" for him to bring you food? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
get yourself an attorney NOW (call the legal Aid society in your county and tell them you have no money)...
you don't have to file for divorce, but in order to get court-ordered child support..you DO HAVE TO FILE FOR LEGAL SEPARATION. DO IT AND DO IT THIS WEEK! THE SOONER THE BETTER....you need legal separation papers filed....now!
the court will freeze your joint assets (so he can't sell stuff and clean out all the bank accounts) and it will force your husband to pay you money...not frozen pizzas!
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Angie, dear, I am so sorry you're having to go through this. I'm sure you know that many people are praying for you and for your h (he is't a "dear" h right now). We wish we could do more, but prayer is quite a lot, after all.
Angie, go get an attorney RIGHT NOW. Do whatever it takes. One reason is that you don't want your dc to suffer; one of their parents has to act responsibly, and that must be you. You want to protect their home and at least their physical well being.
You are not a doormat. Do not behave like one.
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thanks again for offering to send whatever I need but I can't accept anything from you guys. It wouldn't be right. As of today I do have an attorney. He asked me who i wanted and paid her fee. That is how bad he wants out! He is also seeing someone and filing for DIVORCE today. I am still praying for him. Of course I have been praying that he comes to his senses but I know that it probably isn't gonna happen that way. I hesitate to do anything mean to him like court ordered child support. I don't know why. I know I may need to but instead I just hold back. This is just too much for me to handle sometimes. I will keep reading all your posts.
Angie
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"**thanks again for offering to send whatever I need but I can't accept anything from you guys. It wouldn't be right. **"
And why would it not be right???
**As of today I do have an attorney. He asked me who i wanted and paid her fee. That is how bad he wants out! He is also seeing someone and filing for DIVORCE today. I am still praying for him. Of course I have been praying that he comes to his senses but I know that it probably isn't gonna happen that way. **
I'm so sorry. ((((Angie))))
**I hesitate to do anything mean to him like court ordered child support. I don't know why. I know I may need to but instead I just hold back. This is just too much for me to handle sometimes. I will keep reading all your posts."**
Angie, that's stinkin' thinkin'. (a) He is morally obligated to take care of his minor children. (b) He is *legally* obligated to take care of his minor children. It isn't "mean" to require him to take care of his moral and legal obligations. "Mean" would be you swearing at him out loud.
And (c) he brought this on himself. He has no one to blame except himself.
I know this is more than you can handle sometimes. (((angie)))) Go to church. Talk to a pastor. Make sure you have a local support group. What about your parents? His parents (who should also be supporting *you*)?
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angie,
You said "I hat to do anything mean to him like court ordered child support".
What???????
Angie, Angie, Angie. First of all that is NOT mean. That is being a dececnt mother to your children. He has proven himself unreliable to them and you. You MUST protect your children. MUST, MUST, MUST. He even hired your attorney. He doesn't care...he is expecting court ordered child support.
Angie, you are getting a divorce. All the child support will be "court ordered" eventually.
I am begging you to protect your children and put these feelings aside. He has hurt your children tremendously, and you don't want to do something "mean" to him? I say again. It is not mean. It is the expected thing to do in this situation and he knows it.
Don't be a doormat. In fact, I think he would respect you more if you stopped focusing on him and start doing what you need to do for your kids.
I had a friend in your situation...except thankfully no kids. She didn't believe in divorce, prayed, said she didn't want it, etc. Guess what? It still happened. God had other plans for her (which included a new Godly husband and the children she so desperatley wanted that her first husband wouldn't agree to). So let him go. Move on. But for mercy's sake.....GET COURT ORDERED CHILD SUPPORT.
I have btdt. (My ex left us with 2 kids at the time). Guess what, life goes on. Yes there will be difficult times....but there
is NO ONE but YOU to look out for the best interests of your kids. NO ONE. They only have YOU. Do right by them. That means securing finances for them.
jules
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angie, listen to what you just said:
"" I hesitate to do anything mean to him like court ordered child support.""
WHY IS THIS MEAN? this is not mean. it's how divorce goes...everyone has to pay support. he wants a divorce..fine..but he will have to, by law, pay child support..whether you want to be NICE to him or not!!!!! It's the law!
girlfriend, i love you to death, but you gotta get some backbone...at least for the sake of your children!!!!!!!! Praying that you get a good lawyer who talks some sense into you! (saying this nicely with a smile on my face...I've been there/done that way back in 1988....)
This post was edited on Nov 02, 2009 11:09 AM
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