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re: My mother doesn't like me.

re: re: My mother doesn't like me.

MB, your last post brought tears to my eyes. May God bless you and give you strength and comfort. I'm speechless.

re: re: My mother doesn't like me.

gr8tful said: I agree that when mothers like that are up in age, it's better to accept the situation as it is and not try to address it. The Lord has not led me to do that, but to wait on Him and let Him lead me. His love, wisdom, and power have led me to a whole new level of peace and joy and contentment.

I agree with this, too.

It's also important to remember that not all people who are difficult to get along with have a personality disorder. And not all people who have strong narcissistic traits are NPD.

Some of the stuff you posted about your sister raises flags. All of it may be part of a family dynamic that even you are not able to see clearly.

I think the book would at least give you enough information to discern whether your experiences with your family are typical of disordered personalities.

I also know it's hard to let yourself have these negative thoughts about your own mother.

I always think to myself that people who have normal, loving relationships don't understand what it is like for those who don't, so they are often critical of someone who is being negative toward their mother or another family member. Always talk about these things with people you can trust and with those who understand.

This post was edited on Sep 06, 2017 08:49 AM

re: re: My mother doesn't like me.

Your sister takes the cake! That is appalling. I hope you told all your vendors not to talk to her.

re: re: My mother doesn't like me.

MB, your sister is a piece of work (kindest thing I can think of).

I am praying for you.

I could not handle someone that toxic in my life at this age. I have been through too much and learned too much about how such people operate. If they don't see a problem (and narcissists NEVER do, it's always someone else's fault), they never change.

re: re: My mother doesn't like me.


I always think to myself that people who have normal, loving relationships don't understand what it is like for those who don't, so they are often critical of someone who is being negative toward their mother or another family member.
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Exactly. IMO, a better word than "negative" is "realistic" -- it is what it is. But I know what you mean.

Someone said (was it you? not sure) that her mother had a great personality with everybody else and everybody else loved her. IOW, they could not possibly see or begin to grasp the reality of her situation. I totally understand.

It is this type of situation (along with favored siblings and one who isn't) that makes me doubt some theories. But the book by Dr. McBride really hit the nail on the head as far as the dynamics in situations like that (and others, too).

re: re: My mother doesn't like me.

Yes, if you are asking about my mom, that is true. When she is around others, she is 100 percent preoccupied with doing whatever she needs to do to have them like her, admire her, give her attention, etc. It's subtle sometimes, but it's there. She has a personality that makes everyone love her, but it's not "real". She lies often. She lied to me two times yesterday, but she doesn't know that I picked up on that.

re: re: My mother doesn't like me.

Just hoping that you (MB) realize that this is not about you, it's about your mother. She is responsible for her own behaviors toward you. Not you. The thing is, it makes you feel like there is something "off" or wrong with you, or otherwise she would like you. Right? Don't think that way anymore if you are doing that. Change your mindset. Realize this is her problem and don't take it personally any longer. This is easier said than done. It takes months of reading, processing, thinking, and understanding. Putting it all into perspective. You can still care for her, and I know you do. But get yourself into this mindset, and she can no longer hurt YOU. You don't deserve to feel as if, somehow, the problem lies with you.

My mom is good at gaslighting. If she hurts someone because she is overreacting to a real or perceived slight, you better believe it will be you who is in the wrong no matter how obvious it is that she has a bigger hand in the conflict. She will cut off your hand and act as if she is the one who is bleeding. Then, somehow, you will be left feeling like the scum of the earth, when, really, it was never you in the first place. If you persist in trying to make her see how she is being hurtful, she goes into rage or she melts in a puddle of pity. Who wants to see their mother do that? And then be made to feel responsible for that? So you learn to avoid that, which means keeping silent no matter what she does to you.

re: re: My mother doesn't like me.

<<My mom is good at gaslighting. If she hurts someone because she is overreacting to a real or perceived slight, you better believe it will be you who is in the wrong no matter how obvious it is that she has a bigger hand in the conflict. She will cut off your hand and act as if she is the one who is bleeding. Then, somehow, you will be left feeling like the scum of the earth, when, really, it was never you in the first place. >>

Candycane, I think we are long-lost sisters. ;)

My mom will never, ever admit to being in the wrong (with me, my brother or my dad...with people *outside* the family she is an angel of light). I learned years ago that if I chose to challenge her on something, no matter how slight, the response would be silence and then she never speaks of it again - as if it never happened. It used to be infuriating; now I don't care any more and just let things go.

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