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re: Friendship grief

Friendship grief

Had a wonderful, horrible time camping with friends this weekend. Friends. They can be a huge blessing and they can make you want to walk away and never come back. My friend, M, likes to be the life of the party and the center of attention. She has many wonderful qualities. For example, she is generous to a fault. But this weekend was an example of her other side.

This was my family's camping trip. We made the reservations and invited this family and some of our relatives to join us. When M and her husband pulled into the campground, she rolled down her car window and said, "shouldn't I be the main campsite since I have a camper?" (The rest of us were in tents.) Um, sure I guess that's fine. The next day was a steady stream of "her" events. I had mentioned that the park was known for great hiking trails and we agreed before the trip that we'd fit in a hike. I gave her a list of the trails the first night. The next morning I came to greet them and she said, "we've decided that we'll go on the such-n-such trail." Um, you've decided where we're all going to go? She began to dictate when we were going to eat, when we were going to play card games, etc. My family had decided to do a trail ride, but because I have a bum hip right now, I was going to go along to the stable to take some pictures. She decided she was going with and, yep, pushed me out of the way and took over the photo taking time. The trail guides were eager to get going as we were the last group of the day. So thanks to my friend, I didn't get many pics, nor did I get a good angle. Every conversation that day centered around her. When I attempted to share something on a topic of discussion, she cut me off and walked away.

I know that you might be thinking I'm making this sound worse that it was. I wish I could say that, but no.

Most of the time, I'm able to see her good qualities and be thankful for our friendship. This weekend I was to a point of walking away altogether. I just kept thinking, "you are a selfish, self-centered, egotistical jerk."

I'm a quiet person, and I tend to be easygoing about things that are no big deal either way. I think that stronger personalities like to be friends with quiet people because they see an easy target for a chance to be in control. I don't think this is even intentional for some strong personalities.

Feeling done tonight. Maybe a good nights sleep will bring perspective.

re: Friendship grief

Yeah, I don't think I'd invite them again.

Anywhere.

re: Friendship grief

(((cozy)))

re: Friendship grief

my sister is like that.
every event is HER event; she command controls it and since I don't want to make waves in the family, I'm "nice" about it..until I am ready to boil over and be so done.
Time to take a break . and you won't ask her to camp again.

re: Friendship grief

I attract those kind of people bc I'm laid back and listen too much. I've finally been able to detach from a few domineering people and life is so much better. It's okay to limit contact with people that are rude and selfish as a way of life. If it's just a one off, I'd let it go. Forgive either way though. Don't let Satan get a foothold.

re: Friendship grief

detach from a few domineering people and life is so much better. It's okay to limit contact with people that are rude and selfish as a way of life.


^^^

Agreeing with Michelle. Forgive for sure so Satan doesn't get a foothold, but remember the old saying, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me."

Either that or, if you really enjoy her, you'll have to push back when she acts that way. For example about the trail, "Oh, that's nice, but we're going to check with EVERYone and take a vote, see what the majority want." Or the card games, "Oh, thanks, but no, we're not playing card games NOW; it doesn't work now." She'll either accept that she needs to be part of a give-and-take in the relationship, or if she is that selfish and intolerant, she herself will end things.

re: Friendship grief

The thought occurred to me that it's possible my friend went overboard because my sister-in-law was there. I've watched this phenomenon with one of my sisters. There's the real her, and the her that goes way out of bounds with fake charisma and "me, me, me, wonderful me" when she's in an insecure situation or meeting someone for the first time and needs to be in control.

Still, makes me nauseous when I'm around it. Give it space and grace!

martinbeef6, I actually thought of your situation with your this weekend!

This post was edited on Sep 04, 2017 07:51 PM

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