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re: re: re: re: re: My doctor pushed a button yesterday...

re: re: re: re: My doctor pushed a button yesterday...

lizbeth, isn't it ironic that the same women who wanted women to have the **choice** to work **if they wanted to** are now not willing to allow women to have the **choice** to stay home. My how they change their tune. The way they think they know what is best for all women is astounding and off-putting.

re: re: re: re: My doctor pushed a button yesterday...

Are you guys sure the thought process is "I do not like SAHM" or is it more "I don't want people without the ambition to earn money influencing my kids"? When I first heard the OP's rehashing what her doc said, I thought she just meant she didn't want that thought process influencing her children.

I do not know anyone who does not like SAHMs. But, I know a ton of people, including myself, who think it is a ridiculously risky choice. Being able to support oneself and her children is basic, in my opinion. I would not let my child study to be only a SAHM anymore than I would let her study any other low/no paying career. First and foremost, she must aspire to eat....and eat well.

I am not sure I would want no or low ambition people influencing my kids either. I am saying this hesitantly as DD's primary caregiver was her brother when she was a baby up to about age 5. They did nothing but play video games for 5 years even though DS was in college at the time.

At any rate, Lizbeth is angered enough at her doctor that she may need to ask her to clarify. I think having a doctor with profoundly different values might be detrimental in the long run. She would never want to be in a state she could not share important details of her life because she is afraid her doctor would unfairly judge her.

re: re: re: re: My doctor pushed a button yesterday...


Well, IMHO, this scenario shouldn't have ever happened. I'm astounded that lizbeth's doctor talked to her about that at all. I love my doctor, and she and I have great conversations about things in general. But she's never talked about her personal life to that extent, and I'm glad she hasn't. I've noticed that she is very respectful of people, very caring, and that means a lot to me.

The only personal thing we've ever talked about was the fact that she has corresponded with a pen pal in New Zealand since they were kids, and met her in person a few years ago here. They spent about a week together, doing all sorts of activities around the metro area, and made plans for her to visit her in NZ. The only reason we talked about that at all is because I asked her about it after reading about it in a local newspaper.

re: re: re: re: My doctor pushed a button yesterday...


True, it may be more of the one thought process than the other; but it's still troubling, because it is not "wrong" or "unambitious" to desire to be a wife and mother, any more than it is not wrong to desire to be a doctor/nurse/lawyer/etc. Both are equally valid choices.

There is something insidiously condescending and controlling in declaring as an absolute statement that it is definitively wrong, unambitious, unwise, etc. etc. to aspire to motherhood.

There is nothing inherently wrong, unambitious, unwise, etc. about being a wife and mother.

Security it comes from knowing Jesus as Savior and living one's life always listening to His Word and in communion with Him, Who will not lead us astray but will guide us into the right path for our lives, whatever that path may be.

re: re: re: re: My doctor pushed a button yesterday...

"Eventually fired her"

She did not agree with this girls goals, ok, but was there an underlying reason that was left unsaid? Maybe she didn't click with the sitter, maybe the sitter was lazy, maybe the kids didn't like her.. I can think of a bunch of reasons that might turn the doc off. I wouldn't get worked up over it, there's just too much left unsaid.

re: re: re: re: My doctor pushed a button yesterday...

The doctor who had hired the girl to baby sit after school looked at this girl as having no ambition because the girl was wanting to marry and have kids as her goal in life.

I take issues with that being called " no ambition".

I would say that she had ambition and was even practicing by babysitting.

In short doc didn't like her from the get go (even though there was no problem with quality of care) and was happy that her foreign exchange student arrived to now baby sit after school.

Since when is getting a job in the line of what you would like to do "not ambition" others would, in any other career choice, would call that and "internship" lol.


And as far as farmschool and mayberrymommy goes and even my grandmother who farmed and my mom who now works with my dad at his businesss, had they had "careers' of their own and "ambitions of their own" separate from the husband or family goals they wouldn't have been in a position to be a help mate in the farm or family business .

This putting aside of themselves in service to the farm is not ignored by me and even though some think of them as "career women" or "working women" I have never met one who thinks of themselves as a "career woman" or even a "working mom".They just do laundry, dishes, and feeding chickens is just another chore. These farm chores are just part of the other unpaid chores they do around the house.

It is nuanced in that they are really helpmates to the family, it is their life, and they do work hard but usually with out pay , just like doing the dishes and laundry are with out pay it. (Of course the family income benefits but rarely are they getting a pay check like their career women counter parts and rarely do they get benefits and sick days or even maternity leave, lol or pretty clothes to wear to work... or holiday parties...)

This post was edited on Sep 02, 2017 08:57 AM

re: re: re: re: re: My doctor pushed a button yesterday...

Lizbeth, I do not think anyone would call Farmschool and Miss Mayberry a SAHM. I doubt your physician is envisioning anyone who runs or helps run home businesses in that category. Why? Because their contribution produces an income for the family.

My DIL could argue that her not working allows my son to work more, thus producing an income indirectly. That is true. She didn't set out to be a SAHM. It happened, partly when she started understanding what it was going to take to be a busy doctor's wife. Being married to someone who has zero energy, both mental and physical, left for the homefront takes a toll.

Even homeschool moms really do not fit the typical SAHM stereotype. Your doctor most likely is referring to someone who really doesn't have the ambition or intelligence to go through life milestones, i.e. college and job. Saying that one only wants to have kids, drop them off at school, drive them around to activities, and clean toilets really doesn't take a rocket scientist. Remember that working moms are doing that stuff, too. They may do less of it, have to farm some of it out, etc. But, they still manage it in addition to their jobs.

Implying that working moms do not love their children as much because they do not make a financial sacrifice is wrong, too. Working moms are more likely to have the resources for their kids to engage in extra learning opportunities. There was a study somewhere which stated daycare kids were more likely to go to college and more likely to stay married.

At any rate, you really need to talk to this doctor further. She has obviously upset you a great deal. If what you are implying she means, then you need to change doctors immediately. No one should have a doctor who has a great divide in inherent values.

re: re: re: re: re: My doctor pushed a button yesterday...

"In short doc didn't like her from the get go (even though there was no problem with quality of care) and was happy that her foreign exchange student arrived to now baby sit after school."

Foreign exchange student!!!!! That adds a different dimension. Many people think that foreign people do better work than "lazy Americans ". It isn't true but that is a common attitude. As you know menial work, such as housekeeping and child care is best done by foreign people. They are just better at it, NOT.

This Dr may feel she is giving this foreign girl a leg up. I've heard this attitude many many times. The Dr is being vogue.

South Africans are the common worker around here. Lots of Americans need work but seldom do they stay at a job where pay is low and work is long and hard.

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