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re: re: re: re: re: My doctor pushed a button yesterday...

My doctor pushed a button yesterday...

I love my doc, she is great!

She is also chatty, and with in that she said she found a new sitter for her kids. She went on to explain how the last sitter, (usually high school girls that live in town, who babysit after school.) when asked what she wants to do said, "I am waiting form Mr, Right so I can raise a family."

My doc says looking at me" that really doesn't do it for me"... and went on to say how you have to have goals, and how she knew that old girl wouldn't work out, and of course eventually fired her...


You are upset that the girl you had once hired to watch your kids loves kids and hopes to raise her own someday?

I bit my tongue, but I sort of wish I hadn't...

re: My doctor pushed a button yesterday...

You are upset that the girl you had once hired to watch your kids loves kids and hopes to raise her own someday?

This is how I interpret it from your post. (but I wasn't there)

what if, The doctor heard that the girl had a fairy tale attitude to it maybe mixed with a touch of entitlement and the doc reacted to that situation.

I've seen adult age nannies who are like that. Went to college for MRS degree to find the right frat boy in the right family. He'll get the job and she stays home doing her nails.
Get hitched and then do the nanny thing as a way to get some money. It's a very different mindset and work ethic from the young person who says something like when I find soul mate/God's plan (pick how to say it), I hope we get a family and I can be a full time mom and educator raising the next generation.

Maybe the doctor has friends who had the "MRS degree" mentality and things didn't work out for them and she was projecting that on the potential employee.

but I wasn't there. I'm sorry you had your buttons pushed on a topic that is dear to you. ((hugs)) from one SAHM to another.

re: My doctor pushed a button yesterday...

I can certainly understand the physician's thought process, I think. You are telling me the physician thinks girls should have aspirations beyond being a SAHM?

At no time in history have women been primarily SAHMs without a job other than carpooling kids until, what, the 1950's? Suddenly women are acting like that is the only thing worthy of doing. No, it is not. Women have managed large farms, large herds, etc. The roll of women in the workforce changed along with men as cities developed and manufacturing opportunities emerged. Now, women are an integral part of almost all fields. (For the record, many "SAHMs" really are not because they are running farms or family businesses along with their husbands. I am not talking about this type of mom.)

In my opinion, staying at home should be viewed as the privilege that it is. Yes, there are financial sacrifices. But, what is worrisome for me is that the longer one is a SAHM, the more she removes herself from earning potential. She puts herself and children at risk, statistically, as she loses more and more earning potential. If there is a sudden death of a spouse or divorce, a younger wife has a better chance of recuperating than an older woman who has not worked in 30 years.

If my DD aspired to be a SAHM, I would discourage it in the same way I would discourage any no/low paying job like theater. If she is to provide long term stability to her future family, she has better chances of doing that by coming up with a good paying career.

My DDIL is a SAHM most of the time. My son is incredibly high maintenance. He works crazy long hours and weird shifts. When he is home, he is brain dead and not much of a helper until he has a long time to recuperate. They have an 8000 sq. ft. House that requires a ton of work. So, she is busier than most. Even so, she works a little to have some mad money and to keep her foot in the workforce door. I do not worry that my grandsons will suffer if something happens to DS.

re: My doctor pushed a button yesterday...

The stereo type that stay at home moms sat on the couch eating bon bons or that the only work they did in the 50's was drive their kids to school, suddenly because they had some automatic appliances is inaccurate at best, a flat out lie at worst.

Most still grew their own food and still made their own clothes, washed their clothes by hand until 60's because they could not afford such a luxury item, boiled diapers, hand baked bread and so on, oh, yes, and actually raised their kids, and many then helped in the schools and communities with out pay. For our culture today to act like those women were lazy and self absorbed is inaccurate at best, and a flat out lie at worst.

The stereo type of those women is a rewriting of history that is intended to advance the feminist movement, and their condescending tone and judgement of their mothers was calculated and cruel, when the opposite is more accurate, they worked tirelessly in their homes and in their communities. But their daughters now being so much smarter chose paying jobs out side the home, could they do that quietly, no, they had to make an enemy out of their mothers in order to wipe away their own guilt and worry and fears about leaving their children in childcare and leaving house hold chores to others, often times the husband.

It is not healthy or good that we perpetuate such rewriting of history, many women alive then, will tell you today that they saw our neighborhoods and schools and hospitals decline when women left them to get paying jobs.

Anyhow, this doctor of mine, works two full time jobs rarely sees her kids and worships at the altar of her own reason, as she thinks that all the material things she has makes up for what her young children are missing and that is their mom.

I was there, she has the typical feminist tone that women raising children have not real value for this culture and that that is not a "real goal".

We can now talk for hours about how we are going to raise daughters to be strong and independent and capable of work out side the home, but I got news for you, this is not the 1st generation to raise capable daughters and even those bon bon eating women you think you know so well, did great things, it is just that our culture wants to perpetuate lies against them.

This post was edited on Aug 29, 2017 02:40 PM

re: re: My doctor pushed a button yesterday...

Lizbeth, how ironic that your doc wants the girl to have goals -- and then fires her, which takes away a way for her to make money to reach goals. And, really, fire the girl just because that IS her goal? And then talk about her to you??? That's very unprofessional, to say the least. The firing was a very harsh reaction.

About women in the workplace: It wasn't until the late 1940s (WW2) that women left their work at home to work outside the home -- and that was only because so many of the men were off to war. Before that time, women in the public workplace were rare -- usually only single and divorced women. Even then, a lot of them worked out of their homes as seamstresses or in other trades.

Some women (certainly not all) did have more labor-saving appliances in the 1950s, but that doesn't mean they sat around eating bon-bons all day while the appliances did all the work. (For example, the women I knew had washing machines, but not dryers -- they hung out laundry to dry. Everybody had a clothesline.) The average family had four children at that time -- many families had more, especially Catholics. I knew Catholic families who had children in every grade in school. So moms had a LOT of work at home.

I didn't know any moms who drove carpools. Dc either rode the bus to and from school, or walked -- only on really rainy/stormy days did a mom take them to school. If they had activities after school, they usually walked to them. People walked a LOT more then than now. I knew dads in my neighborhood who walked to and from work.

I didn't grow up in the 1950s, but my mother was the only one I knew who went off to work every day. I would have given anything to have had her at home with me. I envied the dc whose moms were at home with them. So when I married and had dc, I knew I wanted to be at home with them. No regrets.

re: re: My doctor pushed a button yesterday...

Thanks for that gr8tful,

(I was just coming back to remind us that, June Cleaver was a fictional character on TV and not how people really lived.)

re: re: My doctor pushed a button yesterday...

June Cleaver was a fictional character on TV and not how people really lived.

LOL So true! I've never known any mom who vacuums while wearing pearls and high heels. It was TELEVISION, yet people today act like that was representative of all middle-class women back then. Ridiculous assumption, and as you said, quite the stereotype.

I've recently seen some old reruns of the Donna Reed show. It's been very interesting, as I've never seen that one before. I think that might have been on TV at about the same time as Beaver. Her dh was a doctor, and his office was at home! (attached to the house) I never knew a doctor like that as a kid, but wow, if that ever was true, what a huge advantage that was! Dad just a few feet away all day. :)

BTW, something else occurred to me about your doc (and many others like her) who have dc -- and you said yours works TWO jobs? Wow. Anyway, fact is, Somebody has to take care of their dc while they work.

Maybe some have house husbands, but I think the vast majority of them have nannies or leave them in day care -- and what does that tell us? That those women don't have a chance to reach lofty goals, do they? And who's keeping them back? Hmmm ...

It reminds of the woman in gov't a few years back (maybe Labor Secretary? or something even more relevant) who had hired an illegal alien to be her kids' nanny and was paying her very little money (if any; the nanny was live-in). When THAT little fact hit the fan, well, things got very interesting.

Bottom line: Somebody has to take care of the dc. I wanted to rear my own dc, and I'm extremely grateful that I could.

This post was edited on Aug 29, 2017 04:13 PM

re: re: My doctor pushed a button yesterday...

Women as sahm only started in the 50's? :) OOPS, there's no history to back that up.

Historically, at NO TIME UNTIL the present have women NOT been primarily sahm's.

And when a woman is part of her husband's business (as happened in the past and still does today), so that, technically, she may not be "home" in the kitchen/livingroom/etc. but is in a field, in an office, looking over accounts, buying supplies, etc., that is NOT COMPARABLE to the woman who has to leave home and be at work at set required times, answer to other bosses, follow others' schedules, etc.

The former is definitely historical and is all part and parcel of being a sahm at times, and COMPLEMENTS her motherly, wifely, nurturing, care-giving capacity and role; the latter is in juxtaposition to her role as wife and mother and COMPETES with her ability to be wife and mom (causing strain and stress, well-recognized and written about in newspapers and magazines and commiserated over even publicly).


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