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I think I'm in an "understood betsy" situation

re: I think I'm in an "understood betsy" situation

But, what if she forgets to dress up for picture day, when they sent numerous emails, annlunced it 3 weeks in a row, and there's a calendar item with two alerts on her iphone and ipad, as well as a note on the fridge? Well, in that case, I think I'd need to be quiet. just an example. BUT it is, really hard for me.
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if the thinking about it and role playing in your mind is helpful before the fact....

I think the first time you hear about picture day it is normal to ask someone what they plan to wear. Just conversation topic. That way she gets the opportunity to think about it well in advance.

If she comes out with a different choice on that day, it's not really a big deal is it? It's clothes you allow her to have. It's ok to make sure no visible stains are there or holes in rear. (I'd want someone to tell me that. I don't have a full length mirror to check. )

It's possible that she did remember it was picture day, but that she is making the choice to wear something that she wants and is ok with it. Now, if there are dress code violations, you have to say something ahead of time, but that's best done (in my opinion) the first day you hear about picture day, not the day of. Then she gets to pick the outfit. But seriously, if she picks something else, it's not the end of the world. well not in my world anyway, but I'm not a socialite in the upper class so take that into consideration reading my suggestion.

re: I think I'm in an "understood betsy" situation

You didn't say how old she is so perhaps that plays into what your expectations are for her. I'm guessing that perhaps she is a high school student? and she deals with ADD. I think the goal here is to help her use the tools that you've put in place over the years to help her succeed in her world. You've taught her how to use lists, budget her time, things to do when she might get off track in her focus. At this point you have to step back. She missed 2 deadlines in a year - she's doing better than most adults! At this point, you are right, she needs to suffer the natural consequences of a failed attempt or forgetfulness. She's going to forget - and perhaps more so because of her ADD. That is where those tools come in. This is where, when she fails, you help her regroup and fine tune those tools and move on forward. Is is hard - oh yes, most definitely. Our momma's heart gets stretched big time when we let our kids that struggle a little more than the average bear stretch their wings into adulthood.

I know you asked about what to do if she gets a C on an assignment. Be sure that she did put her best effort and outside activities (the horse) are not the cause (which would then be the effect of a natural consequence - limited to no fun horse activity). I know, as homeschoolers, we teach to mastery - every student gets an A and doesn't move on until they do but I think you have to watch that pressure. Sometimes a student gets a C and it isn't the end of the world. Sometimes that is the very tool needed to understand how important it is to work as hard as you can or to change the way you are doing things so you can achieve a better result. The bottom line is understanding that when you put your name on the top of that paper - that you are stating this is my best effort and own it. And sometimes, despite all our efforts, a C is just average and is okay. We can learn from those Cs and change our approach to better ourselves for a better outcome the next time.

re: I think I'm in an "understood betsy" situation

These are so helpful I am going to print them. Thank you so much for taking the time.

re: I think I'm in an "understood betsy" situation


I don't think a simple question would be out of order or come across too heavy -- like "Got everything?" when she's getting ready to go out the door. In a lighthearted tone of voice.

It certainly sounds like you have a great plan in place. I'm impressed with the calendar and alerts. You sound like you are VERY organized. If so, I can understand if it is hard for you to watch her not be so much like that.

When I saw that you were asking for advice, the first thing that popped into my head was, When you are tempted to do or say something you know would not be well-received, drink some calming tea. ;) But seriously, prayer can make a huge difference. BTW, thanks here too for the reminder of Understood Betsy. I haven't read that one in years; I'd love to read it again. :)

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